Mental health spiraling out of control. I'm gonna get way worse working my way up to 5-12. It's been a pattern for years. I dropped out of therapy because they said I was too crazy to get trauma treatment. Why the fuck should I keep paying them money when for 4 years they did jack shit to help me other that force drugs and threaten to have me hospitalized? it would be different if I was court ordered to be there, or because I was depressed, or because I needed medication.

Yes, I'm well aware people with my trauma history should get diagnosed and treated. But I did that shit for four years and got WORSE. Fuck that shit. Fuck giving them money. Fuck documenting my own imprisonment. I was supposed to document a recovery, not gather evidence against myself.

It's like now I need a therapist to deal with how fucked up therapy made me, but I don't think I could ever do intake again. I've done it twice and it's fucking horrific and doesn't help me one bit. I don't think I'm willing to do intake again to get a new therapist, and my old therapist won't fucking help me.

But yeah, anyways, sleep is a hoax, I'm taking the money I was spending on therapy and spending it on recording equipment. I'm in the best band ever. Eat a dick vultures.