So my band Stay Fashionable performed a new song I've tentatively called "They Say" in this video. Watch me get in trouble because that's not the official title, lol.

I thought the flyer was particularly nice.

There was a baby goat, but I didn't get any pictures.

(EDIT: PICTURE ACQUIRED)

Here's a picture of the baby goat someone else took, though.

So yeah, we did a new song and didn't fuck up the first performance. I did peg a guy in the head with a fist full of rose petals, but to be fair I didn't know I could get that kind of distance.

My therapist told me he's quitting on me last friday. He says he's getting a new job, but I've been dumped by 3 therapists before and I know there's two ways they go about it: they either try to have you hospitalized, or they stop taking your insurance. He told me he was trying to stop taking my insurance last session, so it seems like his story is changing.

However, last time I quit going to therapy was because they were trying to have me hospitalized, so I take this as an improvement.

I might use this as an excuse to drop out. It's pretty clear therapists don't want to work with me, because I'm fucking nuts. The therapist hinted he thought I was delusional a while back. I think he thinks I'm too far gone to be helped, which I kind of already know. There's so much social pressure to get treatment for PTSD but I've been going for half a decade now and I don't really feel it's ever helped. And it's not like I'm going around doing fucked up shit all the time, either.

People find out bad shit happened to you and they start treating you like shit, as if having disdain for you will prevent bad shit from happening to them.

People who have never so much as tourniquetted a gunshot wound wanting to judge me for how doing that sort of shit changed me.

I mean, shit, even the former prison guard therapist is giving up on me. How do you even do that? Apparently I'm crazier than dudes who are in prison, and the bad thing is I know dudes who are as crazy as me and they all have really bad records.

Still having really bad nightmares, insomnia, stomach problems. Stuff therapy was supposed to fix. not just treat, but fix. There are plenty of people who go into emergency rooms with a "heart attack" or "vomiting" who get told they have a mental health issue and get referred to therapy. I work in medical billing, I know how this goes. Most people with A-Fib's main problem is they worry too much about the damn A-Fib. Car engines can run like garbage for years, hearts are no different.

The reason I'm so fucked up about it is now I have the worst case scenario: I'm well documented to have a severe mental illness. I know this may shock you, but doctors don't... try as hard to save crazy people, especially crazy fat people. It's called "diagnostic overshadowing." Medical doctors HATE the mentally ill, and generally assume they're all drug addicts looking for pills, because many are.

But hey, my band still gets booked even though I'm old as shit, and ugly, and poor, and kind of mean.